song in the round

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renee
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song in the round

Postby renee » Tue Oct 17, 2006 11:03 am

Hey ya'll, i've been reading about your book club and other cool community stuff you've been doing and I thought, what if we all wrote a song as a group and then Ellis could tweak it and maybe arrange some melody to it. What a truly interactive session. So, the jist is, I'll start a few lines and then you all keep adding until we get a song out of it.
Who's in? I know Karen will be. And it needs a title too, but that might come out in the end. I hope others add, this could be really cool.
Peace and blessings to you and yours

You told me time and time again
You wanted freedom
But what it costs
I can't afford to pay


Next....

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bonuela
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Postby bonuela » Tue Oct 17, 2006 11:44 am

Renee, what an amazing idea!! :D

I'll be back with a verse later!!
I let my music take me where my heart wants to go. ~ Cat Stevens

JayceK
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Location: Oklahoma

Postby JayceK » Tue Oct 17, 2006 11:47 am

Oh yea, I am so into this. But I've got to go to work right now. I'll get to it tonight. :P
"Better to have lived in hope than to never have lived at all!"

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bonuela
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Postby bonuela » Tue Oct 17, 2006 11:59 am

You told me time and time again
You wanted freedom
But what it costs
I can't afford to pay



To watch you wander
Leaving me behind in your wake
Wasn't always our path
Can not now be my fate
I let my music take me where my heart wants to go. ~ Cat Stevens

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KarenZ
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Postby KarenZ » Tue Oct 17, 2006 12:10 pm

You told me time and time again
You wanted freedom
But what it costs
I can't afford to pay


To watch you wander
Leaving me behind in your wake
Wasn't always our path
Can not now be my fate


[chorus]
It cannot be
Fate cannot be this cruel
I won't believe
Fate gives then steals the jewel
"Some people are born to make great art and others are born to appreciate it. It is a kind of talent in itself, to be an audience, whether you are the spectator in the gallery or you are listening to the voice of the world's greatest soprano. Not everyone can be the artist. There have to be those who witness the art, who love and appreciate what they have been privileged to see." -- Ann Patchett in Bel Canto.

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bonuela
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Postby bonuela » Wed Oct 18, 2006 1:45 pm

KarenZ wrote:You told me time and time again
You wanted freedom
But what it costs
I can't afford to pay


To watch you wander
Leaving me behind in your wake
Wasn't always our path
Can not now be my fate


[chorus]
It cannot be
Fate cannot be this cruel
I won't believe
Fate gives then steals the jewel


How goes the next verse? I'm getting anxious to hear how this ends. :D
I let my music take me where my heart wants to go. ~ Cat Stevens

JayceK
Posts: 50
Joined: Fri Jul 07, 2006 9:45 am
Location: Oklahoma

Postby JayceK » Thu Oct 19, 2006 2:08 pm

You told me time and time again
You wanted freedom
But what it costs
I can't afford to pay


To watch you wander
Leaving me behind in your wake
Wasn't always our path
Can not now be my fate


[chorus]
It cannot be
Fate cannot be this cruel
I won't believe
Fate gives then steals the jewel


Your face turned red
When my knees hit the floor
'See, I'm not ashamed to beg.'
But your wrinkled blouse
Snapped out of my hand
As you casually walked out the door



Okay, sorry guys- er, gals. This was kind of a unisex song but I just inadvertantly put it in a male perspective :?. It could be converted into 2 verses but I think it can work as 1 just as easy. Wrinkled could be changed to tear-stained but it seemed a little melodramatic. And instead of snapped you could use jerked, yanked, pulled, slipped, etc... I tried em but liked snapped the best. Casually could also be changed to many different things. NEXT!
"Better to have lived in hope than to never have lived at all!"

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bonuela
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Postby bonuela » Thu Oct 19, 2006 4:30 pm

So cool Jayce! I had been thinking of this from a female perspective. :D What do you think about "floated" in place of "snapped". Tearstained is not melodramatic. Ok, it is, but that seems to be the direction this song is taking. :P

Great job!! Who's got the next verse????
I let my music take me where my heart wants to go. ~ Cat Stevens

JayceK
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Location: Oklahoma

Postby JayceK » Thu Oct 19, 2006 6:59 pm

Well, you could change blouse to shirt bonuela. That's the only thing that really indicates a female leaving a male. Or this could be a "She Loves a Girl" type song. :wink:
Seriously though, the tear-stained change is fine w/me. Floated is fine but I think I still like 'snapped' because it indicates the person leaving is fed up/angry. Don't know if that's what we were going for though. :)
"Better to have lived in hope than to never have lived at all!"

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bonuela
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Postby bonuela » Thu Oct 19, 2006 10:04 pm

Fed up is perfect, so maybe "floated" isn't, but snapped feels too violent. Maybe I'm just stuck on the male/female thing.
I let my music take me where my heart wants to go. ~ Cat Stevens

JayceK
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Location: Oklahoma

Postby JayceK » Thu Oct 19, 2006 10:25 pm

Hehe, I hear what you're saying. What we really need is another outside opinion.
"Better to have lived in hope than to never have lived at all!"

renee
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Jul 03, 2006 11:22 am

song edits

Postby renee » Sat Oct 21, 2006 4:40 pm

You guys are amazing!!! Thanks for joining in. I saw the discussion about the blouse snapping. How about this instead? I highlighted the inserted verse. Keep going....this could be a hit. 8)

You told me time and time again
You wanted freedom
But what it costs
I can't afford to pay

To watch you wander
Leaving me behind in your wake
Wasn't always our path
Can not now be my fate

[chorus]
It cannot be
Fate cannot be this cruel
I won't believe
Fate gives then steals the jewel

Your face turned red
When my knees hit the floor
'See, I'm not ashamed to beg.'
I was holding on
To what was already gone
As you walked on out the door

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bonuela
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Postby bonuela » Tue Oct 24, 2006 2:00 pm

Yes Renee!! Perfect. :D


I hope more people stop by to add a verse or two. This is so exciting!!


Who was it from the old board that entered songwriting contests? Can we get him/her to chime in??
I let my music take me where my heart wants to go. ~ Cat Stevens

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bonuela
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Postby bonuela » Wed Nov 08, 2006 1:04 pm

Let's bump this to the top and see if we can get another verse. :D
I let my music take me where my heart wants to go. ~ Cat Stevens

paddyinthepub
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Postby paddyinthepub » Sun Jan 21, 2007 9:45 pm

I'm bumping this up since Guy Richardson suggests a thread to all pitch in lyrics for a song and Bonnie mentioned this thread as the place on the forum to do just that.

Go for it Guy! 8)
"once we're inside, it's a carnival ride" ~ ellis paul
paddy


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